I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
