There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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