YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
