My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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