am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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