You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize