She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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