I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
