Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
