What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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