I am in a vortex of obligation.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sorry about my life...
The power of my boobs compel you
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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