What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
