I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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