I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
