I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
