so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
