and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
