I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
