i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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