walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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