You smell like stripper and shame
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
