I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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