We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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