May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
