he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
