Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
