I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
