We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
