Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
