eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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