perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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