Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
