I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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