I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
