We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
