in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
