there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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