I want to stick my p in your. b.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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