i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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