We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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