i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
