and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
