I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
