the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
