and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
