my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
