So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
