3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
