I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
