What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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