2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
